Friday, January 19, 2007

The Worst State in the Union

Over the weekend one of my friends (she will remain nameless) visited from New Jersey. She hated D.C. the last time she came down so I was eager to show her a good time. Everything was going cool until she decided she wanted to go to Virginia. My exact response to her was, "For what, Virginia sucks." Her response to me was that I hate everything and she couldnt trust my judgement on how much Virginia sucked because of my tendency to hate things. I shall now provide just some of the many reasons why Virginia is The Worst State in the Union.

1. Northern Virginia
While this is a very wealthy area and in no way like the rest of Virginia, Northern Virginia is by far the worst part. Northern Virginia is full of pretentious pricks who have had their silver spoon up their ass for way too long. Its the epitamy of suburbia. White picket fences, attitudes of superiority and muted racism. Great place to raise your kids.

2. The Rest of Virginia
I dont like to generalize about whole areas but Virginia is just a backwards ass state. Owning a spot in the top 5 of states with the most executions not withstanding, Virginia lawmakers are continually making fucked up decisions. Like the baggy pants law that stated that pants that sagged below a certain point provided probably cause and therefore allowed police to stop the offending individual. Does that seem like a loophole towards racial profiling to anyone else but me?

3. Traffic
The traffic is so fucked up in their own state that Virginians feel compelled to make the traffick horrible in DC and Maryland also.I cannot count how many times ive seen someone driving erraticly and then looked at the liscence plate to see Virginia tags.

4.Del. Frank D. Hargrove
The white republican idea of 'blacks should just get over slavery' is nothing new to anyone. But this motherfucker decided not to stop at that well traveled road last week. Hargrove is a delegate in the Virginia State House and in a recent interview said that the state apologizing for slavery is like forcing jews to apologize for killing Christ. Now I wont go into why that statement is retarded on so many levels, but this statement comes from a man that in 1986 proposed that Virginia allow for public hangings of death row inmates. After attempting to make a dumbass law like that hes been re-elected at the end of his term for the last 20 years. Yup Virginians are really on the ball.

While I'll admit I do hate some things, my hate for Virginia is well founded. Its an awful place that steals a little bit of my sould every time I enter it. I tried to tell my friend (she will remain nameless)that this place was pure evil, and now shes scarred for life. Avoid VA like the plague.

Friday, January 05, 2007

Movie Chat!

So it's a boring title. Sue me. Or don't. Please don't. While on vacation last week, I got a chance to see a few movies on DVD I hadn't seen yet, so here's some quick thoughts.

The DaVinci Code - As a friend of mine said 'It's two and a half hours of Tom Hanks being confused.' Not a bad movie, but nothing special. I don't know whether reading the book hurt or helped the experience, because the most intersting part of the book for me was the historical parts about the Catholic Church, and I'm not even sure how much of it was factual. The whole "child of Christ" thing? Yawn.

Lucky Number Slevin - Kind of a funny movie. Morgan Freeman's in it, which improves the movie by 28% automatically, and his calm demeanor feels right for a crime boss. Not a particularly surprising movie, but the plan as a whole was pulled off well, and Bruce Willis' 'I'm a world-class assassin fuckhead. How do you think I found out?' made me laugh. Probably the movie I enjoyed most.

Lady in the Water - I'm not sure what M. Night was going for here, but it felt like he made it up as he went along. The longer it went, the more things that were important to know that kept popping up, like they were just being thrown in there to prolong the film. Like Peter Jackson's King Kong, a film that makes me feel the time would have been better spent sleeping.

The Descent - For a "group of people on trip, start dying horrifically" movie, pretty good. Nice use of lighting, very atmospheric. The ending was kind of weird. Not really sure where that was going, but up until then it was pretty damn good.

Rest Stop - Ugh. Just mediocre, if that. Nope, changed my mind. It blew. I'm really not a fan of those slasher flicks where the killer seems omnipotent, always ten steps ahead of the victim, so seemingly nothing they do to escape can work. Yes, he's been at it a long time, but there's always an element of uncertainty when dealing with people. We're random like that. Plus, the parts with the vanishing bleeding victim locked in the storage room, and the magically disappearing cop, what was up with that? Yes, she was freaking out, but it just seemed pointless to make us think that she was hallucinating. And what was the deal with the Winnebago people? Totally pointless.

All The King's Men - This was my dad's choice. I vaguely remember the book from 11th grade, and thinking that it was alright, but apparently the movie diverges widely from the book, and in dad's opinion, didn't properly capture the subtlety and the message of the book. Me? I was just bored.

The Constant Gardner - Based on a John le Carre novel. I've read one of his books, not this one. It was OK, but I had a hard time keeping names straight through it. Not quite as big a deal here, though I couldn't help feeling while watching the movie that Justin was busting his ass to discover the truth about the death of a woman who just didn't care that much about him. It really felt like she had used him, and the fact he did like her to get to Africa so she could continue her work. Still, it seemed to get it's message across without being overly preachy about the plight of people in Africa. It was good, but not something I'd watch for fun if it came on TNT.