The Promised Rick Ankiel Nickname Post

The more I think about this, the more I think it's going to be really stupid. I mean, Rick's a big-swinging, home run hitting outfielder, while mongooses are probably more similar to small middle infielders who exhibit occasional bursts of power. Like a Roberto Alomar, or maybe Ozzie Smith in 1985. But I said I would do it, and the blog needs content, so there you go.

Rikki as found half-drowned from a storm by a English family new to India. I think we can view the near-drowning as a metaphor for Ankiel's loss of control, which nearly destroyed his career. The role of the English family is played by animal (and wine) love Tony LaRussa. Rikki settles into a new life his new family, protecting the family that saved him. Rick Ankiel had a somewhat troubled upbringing, with a father who had some issues with the law. Rick however is a gifted pitcher, with a pretty decent bat, who gets drafted by the Cardinals out of high school, and moves through the farm system very quickly.

He first meets the two cobras, Nag and Nagaina, that run the garden of his new home, Rikki's first battle is to protect the young boy (Teddy) from a brown snake, much smaller and deadlier than a cobra. The brown snake represents the 2000 regular season, where Rick was a runner-up for Rookie of the Year, and was generally impressive, striking out 194 in 175 innings, with an ERA of 3.50.

{It's gonna start falling apart here, if it hasn't already. Part of the problem is Rikki's story ended, and Rick's hasn't yet.}

Nag hides in the "big man's" bathroom, preparing to kill him, to protect his soon to be hatched eggs, but he falls asleep. Rikki attacks, and the struggle alerts the man, who kills Nag with a shotgun, nearly getting Rikki in the process. The 2000 playoffs approach, and with them, greater pressure. In an attempt to avoid making Rick pitch with the Cardinals behind in the series, LaRussa starts Rick in game 1 of the NLDS against Atlanta. Rick implodes, walking 6, throwing numerous wild pitches, and throws less than half of his pitches for strikes. The Cardinals win the game, and the series, but Rick is still ineffective in the NLCS against the Mets.

Rikki decides to find the cobras' lair and destroy their eggs, and gets a tailor bird to distract Nagaina while he does. The tailor bird successfully distracts Nagaina (for a time), and Rikki destroys all but one egg. After several failed attempts to return to the mound, where he continues to lack control, when he isn't injured, Rick announces his career as a pitcher is over, and that he will be moving to the outfield full-time. Rick gets called up to the big leagues in August of 2007, and proceeds to swing the bat quite well, if a bit wildly, and demonstrates that he still has an arm, and can in fact, throw accurately.

However, Nagaina gets tired of chasing the damn tailor bird, and goes after the boy to claim vengeance for her mate. Ankiel is found to have ordered HGH during 2005, before there was testing, but with no guarantees he stopped taking it once baseball specifically banned it. After this announcement, Rick goes into a funk, hitting wise, and any hope the Cardinals had of winning the craptastic NL Central evaporates in a 9-game losing streak, helping the Cards to their first sub-.500 season since 1999.

Rikki arrives on the scene with the last egg, and claims he killed Nag. This distraction allows the father to pull Teddy to safety. Nagaina flees with the egg, Rikki pursues her into the burrow, and when all is said and done, Rikki is the one to emerge. And no snakes ever dare enter the garden again. I don't think this part has happened for Ankiel yet. It would probably take the form of him crushing the ball this year, playing an outstanding outfield, all while passing regular drug tests. And somewhere down the line he'd probably need to help the Cardinals win another World Series. LaRussa, the one who kept protecting him, still being the manager at that point would probably help.

I had another one, that basically started when Rick decided to become an outfielder, and the team went along with it, but I didn't get as far into that one before I felt like it fell apart. So I'll go with this one. Not too shabby, if I do say so myself.